Clair's Parents Meeting Parents ADHD

Survival Guide

We asked our parents for a tips they would give parents of children who are just starting their ADHD journey. These are some of the things they came up with:

 

• ADHD is not a myth, it is more common now because research means we know more about it.
• Find out as much as you can about ADHD. Educate yourself on the causes of ADHD and stay up to date. ADHD is not caused by bad parenting, a bad diet, watching TV.
• Remember your child is unique and not just ADHD, get to know them. Spend time with them just enjoying their company
• Read up on medication… in the end it’s your choice if your child takes medication if it is offered. It is safe, and it is not addictive. Medication does not cure ADHD, it helps focus and reduces some symptoms.
• Do all and every parent training course, you can never have too many strategies (it doesn’t mean you are a bad parent, in fact quite the opposite)
• Make sure you get support e.g. Carers Centre, Support Groups. Take breaks, you can’t be supportive all the time… have a bath, go for a walk, go to the gym.
• Calm yourself, you can’t help your child if you are aggravated – breathe, count to 10 (100). Your child will pick up on your emotional state. The calmer you are, the more likely you are to calm your child. Make sure if you get upset or cross, your child knows it is their behaviour not them that is causing you to feel like that and that you love them.
• Don’t get overwhelmed and lash out… your child is an expert at knowing what buttons to press
• Don’t sweat the small stuff!!!
• Don’t let your child or the disorder take over.
• Decide what behaviours are acceptable in advance and define your rules (ask the child to help) but always allow some flexibility. Does the behaviour have a purpose e.g. sensory overload, frustration, sore tummy, lack of sleep, don’t know how to say sorry?
• Reward positive behaviour. However, you need to be consistent, it has to be achievable and can’t be taken away if it has been earned
• Always follow through with consequences. You need to be consistent and the consequence needs to be consistent with the behaviour. Keep them clear and appropriate.
• Manage aggression – have a plan to deal with it at home and when you are out – create a chill out space, time out etc never let it slide.
• Active ignoring can be useful. Is useful for minor annoying, irritating behaviours such as cheek, arguing, pestering, silly noises. It can help reduce some behaviour. Never ignore dangerous behaviour.
• ADHD is not a learning difficulty, but it can make learning difficult.
• Children with ADHD may have a 30% lower executive function age than their true age e.g. 12-year-old may have the executive function age of 8 i.e. they are not working on a level that we expect of them. This will affect self-awareness, inhibition, nonverbal working memory, verbal memory, emotional self-regulation e.g. self-calming, self-motivation and planning and problem solving… when you know why, behaviours start making more sense.
• Recognise anxiety, work with your child to work out the causes and strategies manage it.
• Have a plan for when your child is in crisis e.g. meltdowns, overwhelm, anger.
• Create structure – routine! Meal times, homework, playtime, bed time, washing. This helps our children feel safe and secure.
• Keep bed time consistent
• Keep instructions short, simple and specific – this lets the child know exactly what is expected. Don’t be afraid to be very specific. Break tasks into manageable pieces, don’t overload them with too many instructions.
• Give your child processing time after a verbal instruction… count to ten. Would your child respond better to visual aids?
• Be clear when you ask your child to do something, tell them what you want, not what you don’t want (you’ll just get more of what you don’t want)
• Limit distraction as ADHD children are easily distracted
• Praise your child, they receive so many negatives every day. You can’t praise them to much (but make sure it’s specific and descriptive). Praise will help them feel valued, help their confidence and self-esteem.
• Encourage physical activity and exercise
• Warn your child of changes in advance e.g. own clothes day, eating out, going to the cinema.
• Children with ADHD can be very sensory, look into attending the Sunflower course
• You know your child best, just because someone has experience of one child with ADHD doesn’t mean they know your child
• Know what motivates your child
• Allow natural consequences
• Don’t make things hard for yourself – always choose rewards, consequences, battles that you can deal with
• Don’t let your child blame ADHD for bad behaviour, they made choice not their ADHD
• Empower your child whenever you can and believe in them.
• Watch out for triggers e.g. time of day, places, people. This will help you anticipate behaviours and make they easier to avoid
• Expect setbacks
• Enjoy your child, they are unique. They can think of more things before breakfast than most people do in a week. One thought will lead in 10 different directions.